Mon, 19 Jan 2004
BITCH & FAMOUS
A-listers you love (and loathe)!
by Trixy Honoré
Posted Thu, 15 Jan 2004

[excerpts]

Welcome, dear readers, to the very first Bitch and Famous of 2004! And,
fret not, the stars didn't take a break from being as bizarre as ever over
the festive season —

Just before I get down to the celebrity winners and losers themselves,
though, I have to say what great taste in celeb preferences you all have! I
hope that my regular readers by now know me well enough to realise that I
have little trouble 'telling it like it is' (I'm a veritable Dr. Phil of
the gossip world), and that this is no empty compliment.

So, who did you all vote for?

Well, perhaps I should get this first category out of the way quickly and
kick off with the one on which I didn't quite see eye-to-eye with the
majority. You voted Kelly Osbourne as Young, Newly-Famous and Most Likely
to Sink without a Trace. So far, so good — I have no especial problem with
the chameleon-haired famous-offspring-about-town, but she hardly screams
'star quality'.

However, I was a little disheartened to see Kiera Knightley in last place.

Not only that, but you put her at the top of the Young, Newly-Famous and
Most Likely to reach Megastardom poll. Say it isn't so! Can't quite put my
finger on it, but something about that winsome, googly-eyed Brit just puts
my teeth on edge. Clearly, though, this is one prejudice I'll have to nurse
all on my own!

Can't fault you on your choice of Best Celeb Couple, though — Brad Pitt and
Jennifer Aniston won by a landslide, with over 40 percent of the vote,
followed by Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe with 25 percent, and
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin fetching up in third spot with 10 percent.

Of course, Worst Celeb Couple of 2003 was a walkover for Bennifer, who
clocked up 43 percent of the votes cast. Second place was a close thing —
but Kate Bosworth and Orlando Bloom just pipped Demi Moore and Ashton
Kutcher to the post; the couples garnering 17 percent and 16 percent
respectively.

But what could explain the runners up in this category, considering that
you voted Orlando second in the Best Actor stakes and 34 percent rated him
as the Celeb You Can't Get Enough Of (fellow Lord-of-the-Ringer Viggo
Mortensen got 22 percent, to come second, and Halle Berry came third with
15 percent)?

Must be Kate! In fact, the evident anti-Bosworth sentiment prompted an
American reader to write in querying South Africans' dislike of the poor
'Blue Crush' headliner.

True, that surf movie wasn't exactly going to win the woman any Oscars —
but my guess is that anyone who's managed to grab Mr. Bloom out from under
the noses of his millions of lovesick fans, is not going to be wildly
popular! (Especially when Bloom keeps on about how in love he is! "I'm in
love with love. It's heavenly when you're falling for someone and you can't
stop thinking about her.")

So, if Orlando was your second-best actor of 2003, who came out on top?
Well, here I have to say that you all showed the most impeccable taste, as
a staggering 75 percent of you voted for the gorgeous and infinitely
talented Johnny Depp.

Orlando had to be content with 16 percent, and third-placed George Clooney
got just 4 percent. Plus, the very cockles of my heart were warmed to see
the self-satisfied Collin Farrell languishing down in the second-from-last
spot, with less than 1 percent!

When it came to Worst Actress of 2003 you also showed great discernment in
recognising a most deserving winner — namely Pamela Anderson (42 percent),
with Paris Hilton the runner up (25 percent) and Cameron Diaz coming in
third (10 percent). Having sat through almost a full episode of 'V.I.P.'
once (please don't ask me why), I really can't quibble with your decision…

Nor can I argue with the Worst Actor of 2003 award recipient, Ben Affleck —
who got 40 percent of the vote. Leonardo DiCaprio was trailing with 20
percent, but Jim Carrey stayed hot on his heels with 19 percent.

Best Actress of 2003 was hotly contested, but Catherine Zeta-Jones just
managed to beat out Liv Tyler, 26 percent to 24 percent, and Nicole Kidman
finished up third with 17 percent.

When it came to the Celeb Whose Name You Never Want to See Again, my heart
was gladdened to see the lovely Gwyneth quite rightly languishing in last
place. No such luck for Bennifer, though. This single celeb entity swept
the category with 41 percent of the vote, followed by Michael Jackson in
second (21 percent) and Britney Spears in third (14 percent).

Unfortunately for the 14 percent who did cast their ballot in favour of
having Brit struck from the roster, the energetic young pop tart went and
got hitched over the vac, generating untold gossip-column inches!

Your Worst Film of 2003? 'Gigli' left almost half of you utterly unmoved
(48 percent, to be exact), and 'The Matrix' franchise clearly failed to
live up to expectations, as 'Reloaded' took second place with 14 percent.
'Terminator III' also let down fans of its popular predecessor, coming
third (12 percent).

And, finally — great choice when it came to Best Film of 2003. The
fantastic 'Love Actually' took home the top honours (33 percent), followed
closely by 'Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King' (31 percent) — and I
was pleased to see the car-chase and explosion fiesta 'Bad Boys II' making
third position (11 percent).

Those are the winners and losers for 2003